The man, the freak, the newb and the gutter slut

[Matt Hare]

**The arena is almost silent when the ring turns green, then purple, orange and back to normal. Pyro explodes at the top of the ramp and 'Alright' plays over the speakers and The Hare comes strolling out of the curtains wearing a crowd and red, velvet cape. He slowly makes his way down the ramp, mic in hand as the crowd boo wildly. He jumps the top rope, climbs up the turnbuckle and sits down, waiting for the crowd to quiet down**

The Hare: The KING IS HERE!!!

**crowd boo wildly**

The Hare: And that king is the one guy that beat down that so called 'Champ' of yours, Nicho "Z" The guy who beat him in a scaffold Tables match and advanced to the second round. Where I beat Alana-Marie. And now I hear Mr Howard has announced that the final for the King of the Deathmatches Tournament is going to be a Fatal-Four-Way match!!

**crowd boo**

The Hare: In that fatal-four-way match will be me - the greatest DUEW Champion of all time, Jonny Stripes - The weirdest guy on the whole freakin' roster!, Shazzer - this newbie who was quick to suck up to some of DUEW's top wrestlers and Angie Ryker - the whore they call the 'Deathmatch Champion'!!!!!

**crowd boo**

The Hare: But it will all turn out good. See, I have beaten Jonny Stripes before. Shazzer, well he will be no problem seeing as he has only been in DUEW for a few weeks, and Angie Ryker...well there's two word for her ..-.. cheap slut!!! So the way I look at this fatal-four-way, I've already got it in my pocket! I've already beaten Nicho "Z"...and soon....I will win his DUEW Australian Championship off him, and throw that piece of junk title belt in the trash, bringing back the real Australian Title belt!!

**crowd boo like crazy and start up "NI-CHO-Z" chants**

The Hare: Why are you cheering him?! I beat him, remember!?!?

**Crowd boo as The Hare laughs and poses for them, bowing like a King**

[Shazzer]

*live wire plays through the arena and out comes shazzer to a load of boo's shazzer walks down the ramp and into the ring*

you think ill be easy you think just cause ive been here a few weeks i wont put up much fight well your wrong there rabbit

its hare not rabbit

who cares i know this crowd dont care what your name is

*crowd cheers*

just because youve had more matches dosnt mean ill lose remember its quality over quanity your have numbers i have skills and not u not stripes ad mean as this sounds not even angie will stop me getting the deathmatch title it will soon be where it belongs on my waist and there is not a damn thing you can do about it

*shazzer walks down the ramp into the back*

[Scene 2]

*shazzer is in his locker room with alana*

I cant believe i lost

dont worry when i win it i can help you get the aussie title and we can show what we are made of i mean i wasa looked down on now look at me 2 wins they were rio and disturbed i mean disturbed was the ex deathmatch champion and i beat him because i am the future deathmatch champion

*screen fades*

[Jonny Stripes]

Back in the RING, Hare is still standing there, now a thrown is in the ring with him and he is looking very regal indeed. He is about to adress his "subjects" when "Bad Company" hits the P.A and out walks Jonny Stripes dressed in a full jesters outfit.

Jonny: "The king, hast thou called upon me?"

Hare: "What the f...I mean, what are you doing, weirdo?"

Jonny: "I am here to entertain you my liege, as you command"

Hare: "Ummm, ok...well bend down and...umm I dont know do a handstand"

Jonny: "Certainly"

Jonny bends down and then attempts a hand stand, but then crashes on his neck.

Jonny: "Damn, that hurt...I'll tryagain my master"

Hare: "No please dont"

Jonny: "You seem displeased master. I'll take this jesters suit off then...though i dont have any other undergarments on"

Hare: "No PLEASE dont"

Jonny: "But you are Hare...I thought you were into that sort of thing...you know with Julio"

Jonny laughs hysterically and starts doing cartwheels, still laughing as he goes